Polenta Three Ways, or Three Mitigated Disasters

For tonight's episode we thought we'd bring you polenta three ways: polenta sticks, a polenta "pipe bomb" (store-bought polenta tube stuffed with a mozzarella stick), and sweet polenta bread. This amounted to a menu equally ambitious and untested, and flying, recipe-less, by the seats of our pants resulted in more than one fail. So we're saving most of the footage for the blooper reel (which you'll find on the extra features disc of our DVD box set).

Nonetheless we emerged from this cornmeal mire with two successful ventures. First, the polenta-wrapped mozzarella was achieved by salvaging some of the stove-top polenta we made for the polenta sticks, letting it set up a bit, and then coating it generously around a mozzarella string cheese stick. The end result strongly resembled a Twinkie, but was far more delicious. Second, we dug deep into the K+ADFS archives to salvage the sweet polenta bread. Just as we did to resuscitate our fried Christmas cookie endeavor, we had to coat this dough in oats to prevent it from disintegrating in the oil.

Shepherd's Pie

Well this month (err, last month), Amy and I found ourselves victims to the Irish Curse: too much footage.

This resulted in some rare restraint by our creative director in chopping out a couple of zingers from the opening few minutes. Stay tuned for the deleted scenes in the season 1 DVD box set. Anyway this happened so long ago (sorry guys) that I'm just going to give a quick running diary and provide my reactions:

00:01: New take on the intro: having inaudible comments over the finished product.

00:50: This intro sequence is still the best thing we’ve ever done.

01:15: God I wish I had improv skills. Note to Amy: don’t put me on the spot.

01:45: Veering dangerously toward montage status. Glad we averted that.

03:40: No, you’re not a biologist Kurt. Or talented.

03:52: Taking those lamb chunks out of that plastic sleeve looked like Alien Autopsy. But with the grainy blogger video compression, it could've just been special effects.

05:13: Even I’m nodding off at this point

05:22: I’m saved from losing interest by yet more terrible improv. “Other types of sodabread” indeed.

06:15: Nice extended torso shot of Amy.

07:10: Spinoff alert: Kurt & Amy Pan Sautee Shit coming in 2011.

07:50: Cap’N’Trade deserves an explanation, but unfortunately you’re not going to get one here.

08:30: Fry science is being dropped. Look for our article “Nature’s Delicious Jacuzzi” in next month’s Scientific American

09:12: Way to start a joke you can’t finish Kurt. Amy, way to not edit that out. You know what? I'm going to swear off analogies. If they're not good enough for the SATs anymore, they have no place in K&ADFS

09:55: We hand-selected our gallery this week to be underwhelmed by whatever was put in front of them, and they did not disappoint.

10:55: “I would add salt to it.” A fitting way to end the episode. Thanks for coming Lili!

We all screamed

Holy fucking sweet ass intro sequence! Featuring fucking Starship! Kudos Amy, kudos. Let'em say we're crazy --- I don't care about that. I feel like we're legit now, that this has permanence, traction, everything a lauded and award-winning blogger would need. Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever look back.

And beyond that, I'd like to say we're doing something no other deep frying vlogger is doing right now. And that's pushing the envelope. Yeah, I just started a sentence with a conjunction, what're you going to do about it? We deep fried Ice(d) Cream, I think this is the right time to say what what's been kicking around here for awhile behind the scenes at K&A Studios: we're bigger than Jesus. Any two-bit conjurer can take a stroll on a sand bar; deep frying a frozen food is sublime.*

Anyway, despite what the intro claims, I'm not sure this entry is "starring" anybody, least of all the pile of used tissues and empty Sudafed boxes that substituted in for Marina this week. In case anyone needs to know what our ethos is, it can be summed up by not having an ice cream scoop. his isn't the sort of show where the right utensil magically appears in the hands (or first basemans mitts as it were) of the hostess, or the sort of show where we get things right the first time. But damnit we fried haagen dazs.

*Physics joke!