Polenta Three Ways, or Three Mitigated Disasters

For tonight's episode we thought we'd bring you polenta three ways: polenta sticks, a polenta "pipe bomb" (store-bought polenta tube stuffed with a mozzarella stick), and sweet polenta bread. This amounted to a menu equally ambitious and untested, and flying, recipe-less, by the seats of our pants resulted in more than one fail. So we're saving most of the footage for the blooper reel (which you'll find on the extra features disc of our DVD box set).

Nonetheless we emerged from this cornmeal mire with two successful ventures. First, the polenta-wrapped mozzarella was achieved by salvaging some of the stove-top polenta we made for the polenta sticks, letting it set up a bit, and then coating it generously around a mozzarella string cheese stick. The end result strongly resembled a Twinkie, but was far more delicious. Second, we dug deep into the K+ADFS archives to salvage the sweet polenta bread. Just as we did to resuscitate our fried Christmas cookie endeavor, we had to coat this dough in oats to prevent it from disintegrating in the oil.

Jamaican Patties

OK, so the pace has slowed considerably at Kitchen Studio, most recently due to the premature death of Kurt's fryer. The fryer was lain in state so that all of our fans could pay their last respects, but it wasn't until Christmas morning that a new one took its place. So we welcomed in the new year with a new fryer and an indescribably delicious batch of Jamaican [pork and] veggie patties.

Though we used a pastry dough recipe for Jamaican beef patties, the filling was comprised simply of leftover roasted vegetables and pork, which we sauteed in butter with some vegetable broth, bread crumbs, and curry powder. The result will go down in Kurt + Amy Deep Fry Shit history, and may even give the legendary Jamaican beef patties of Troy, NY a run for their money. The trifecta of butter, shortening, and fry oil made this our greasiest, if not our tastiest, venture to date.

Speaking of money, in this economy who's a former pageant winner with physical therapy training, a keen understanding of subprime mortgages, and a white running back husband gotta sleep with to get her son on a flag football team? This question and many more inane ones can only be answered in Lifetime's The Client List, starring Golden Globe nominee Jennifer Love Hewitt, which provided the evening's entertainment. Of course, since the taping of this episode, we have learned that Claire Danes took the award*, practically stealing it right out from under J. Lo-Hew, whose dedication to her role was so fierce she didn't even remove her fake eyelashes when she went to sleep.



*Editor's note: This is horseshit.

K+ADFS Season 3 World Premiere

That's right, folks, Kurt + Amy are back, dispelling rumors that we perished tragically in a horrible hot oil accident, and ready to entertain the viewers who so loyally stood by our side during our 6-month hiatus (or did we decide on "sabbatical"?).

We hereby bring you back into to our warm, surprisingly not-greasy embrace with a good ol' fashioned fish fry, the perfect meal for a head-on encounter with the relentless Hurricane Earl. The meal included fried clams and classic fish and chips, using a beer batter recipe courtesy of Alton Brown. Of course, our stormy fry fest would have been incomplete without a viewing of one of the many cinematic treats offered up by Netflix's Deadly Disasters genre. And while "Killer Wave" certainly looked tempting, the siren's song of pubescent nipples on stunning display in "White Squall," the film a veritable who's who of Tiger Beat circa 1995, ultimately won
us over.

New this season: food glamor shots!

Shepherd's Pie

Well this month (err, last month), Amy and I found ourselves victims to the Irish Curse: too much footage.

This resulted in some rare restraint by our creative director in chopping out a couple of zingers from the opening few minutes. Stay tuned for the deleted scenes in the season 1 DVD box set. Anyway this happened so long ago (sorry guys) that I'm just going to give a quick running diary and provide my reactions:

00:01: New take on the intro: having inaudible comments over the finished product.

00:50: This intro sequence is still the best thing we’ve ever done.

01:15: God I wish I had improv skills. Note to Amy: don’t put me on the spot.

01:45: Veering dangerously toward montage status. Glad we averted that.

03:40: No, you’re not a biologist Kurt. Or talented.

03:52: Taking those lamb chunks out of that plastic sleeve looked like Alien Autopsy. But with the grainy blogger video compression, it could've just been special effects.

05:13: Even I’m nodding off at this point

05:22: I’m saved from losing interest by yet more terrible improv. “Other types of sodabread” indeed.

06:15: Nice extended torso shot of Amy.

07:10: Spinoff alert: Kurt & Amy Pan Sautee Shit coming in 2011.

07:50: Cap’N’Trade deserves an explanation, but unfortunately you’re not going to get one here.

08:30: Fry science is being dropped. Look for our article “Nature’s Delicious Jacuzzi” in next month’s Scientific American

09:12: Way to start a joke you can’t finish Kurt. Amy, way to not edit that out. You know what? I'm going to swear off analogies. If they're not good enough for the SATs anymore, they have no place in K&ADFS

09:55: We hand-selected our gallery this week to be underwhelmed by whatever was put in front of them, and they did not disappoint.

10:55: “I would add salt to it.” A fitting way to end the episode. Thanks for coming Lili!

K+ADFS: Now with 200% More Corgi!

Just in case the "Fry Event of the Year" isn't enough to get excited about, this year welcomed the company of two furry guests: corgis Duke and Gus (courtesy of their indulgent parents Amy and Wing -- thanks again, guys!). It wouldn't be a stretch to proclaim these waddling cuties the hit of the party, but coming in a close second (by a snout, if you will) was Kurt's extensive menu, which featured the debut of deep fried pb&j, hailed by party-goers as an "instant classic." The pb&j was prepared on Wonderbread and dipped in a French toast-style batter enhanced with evaporated milk.

Of the foods that I didn't alert Amy that I was making (sorry Amy!), the frites in particular came out really nice (and one of these days, we're going to get those pumpkin pie bites right). We cut them about 6" long by 1/2" wide/deep, soaked them in cold water for 10-15 minutes, then dried them and fried them in 300 degree oil for 6 minutes. Once they cooled to room temperature, we put them in for another 2 minutes at 350. Another one of those foods that can't really be replicated without a deep fryer. Since one of my friends questioned the practicality of of owning one, I'll reiterate that if you want to eat fried foods every once in awhile (anything from eggplant parm to falafel to any of the treats you've read about on this blog) there is no easier, cheaper, or healthier way to do it than with a deep fryer. Plus under what other pretense could you get a pair of welsh corgies to your apartment?


No corgis were hurt, mocked, or excessively fed in the making of the video. So lay off, PETA.

The Doughnuts and Friends Show

A recent deep fry party provided the perfect opportunity to debut homemade doughnuts. Doughnuts (or Olde Tymey Doff-Ghnouts, as we've created) aren't the kind of things you just stumble home drunk one night and fall into. It's the sort of thing you plan well in advance to get drunk and do. Believe it or not, this was our first attempt at doughnuts, and they came out pretty f'ing great. The key is the oil temp (375) and not over-mixing the batter. Other than that it's just a matter of getting the batter off your fingers and into the oil in a usable shape, which you can practice time after delicious time.

Props to Amy on the title sequence. And the Communist Party t-shirt. Next up: theme song. Reader submissions will promptly be thrown away. This post is kind of a complete shit show, I think half the video is me looking for baking soda. Spoiler alert: I found it. I'm going to put a poll up later to see who enjoyed the glamor shot of me eating raw doughnut batter off of my fingers.

Mac & Cheese

Part of our mission in creating a deep fry blog is to offer creative options for reheating your leftovers, and to that end we bring you deep fried mac and cheese. We know what you're thinking: mac and cheese is already so delicious and decadent in its natural state, why deep fry it? Well, for one thing deep frying is exponentially better than microwaving your leftovers. We used Paula Deen's recipe for The Lady's Mac & Cheese (her words, for the love of god, her words; not ours), but substituted the more robust cavatappi pasta for elbow macaroni. We sliced our leftover mac and cheese into squares and coated them in flour, egg, and breadcrumbs: the deepfryer's holy trinity. The end result is a crispy, creamy, cheesy delight.

I have to give even madder props to Amy. I'm blown away by the even sweeter title sequence. Someone's getting comfortable with iMovie. Sorry for the lame and pointy intro in the video. I was really...um, punchy. I'd like to go over a few more points from the video that I wish I could've expressed a little more cogently. First, the appropriate recipe. Don't feel you need to recreate Ms. Deen's concoction, but disregard anything made by the Kraft Corporation, and kindly unhand the Velveeta. I've never tried deep frying either of these types of Mac & Squeeze, but I would presume that they goop up real good and have a hard time staying together. Thanks to our dedicated Italy Consultant Marina for the interesting (and inaudible) tidbit on Cavatappi. And 349 is not in fact a multiple of 7 (unless the thermostat starts at -1). Luckily there isn't a math prerequisite for deep frying. I don't in fact know what system of numbers leads my deep fryer to think 347 degrees is an appropriate increment. I think it's a Fibonacci Sequence or the digits of pi.

Finally, let me address my controversial plea for America to buy deep fryers with sincere apologies. What is in that glass? But in all seriousness, people say to me "I would weigh 300 pounds if I had one of those," but it's not necessarily true. First, as I said, some healthy recipes just call for poaching or frying in oil. You can of course try this in a pan and guess as to the proper temperature with unpredictable results, then throw away that expensive oil when you're done. It's far more economical, however, to use an instrument that takes the guesswork out and allows you to reuse your frying medium. And let's face it, unless you're running an international Ponzi scheme, you probably don't need to be spending a small fortune on oils. And if you're worried about gaining weight, just don't use it too often. I only use it for a regular meal a few times a month (but when I do need it, nothing else will do), and only for late night snacking every few weeks or so.